Double Door Fails

Sometimes when entering a building, it is necessary to push a double door. While this seems like a rather unassuming task (as it should be), there is most likely a 50% chance one of the doors will be locked - causing meyham.

This wants to make you look stupid.

As you approach the double door, you have the inner battle of which side to choose. The pressure builds as you get closer because you know choosing the wrong door will result in sending all of your momentum crashing into what is essentially a wall. This is especially Amis if the door happens to be glass, and people on the other side witness your failure. Don't be too troubled though, as statistics say that at least half of them did exactly what you did. Is it honestly too much trouble to unlock both doors? Amis.

Wisdom Teeth Extractions

Wisdom teeth extractions is a typical A-mis: something that is supposed to benefit you, but in all reality, is the worst possible scenario. Let's take a look at exactly what the intentions are versus what the actual results are.

The intentions: The intention and primary reasoning behind wisdom teeth extractions is to reduce the pressure on your already brace-altered teeth caused by "impacted wisdom teeth" thus creating the perfect smile. You would think from the way dentists talk about these teeth, that they were evil incarnate. So, the doctor puts you to sleep and gently extracts these teeth.

The reality: The reality of wisdom teeth extractions is quite different than the doctors lead you to believe. The reason these teeth are extracted is only to cause you pain, literally, that's why the doctors do this. The actual procedure goes something like this. First you are told not to eat before the surgery..that's right they don't let you eat. A few hours later you, emaciated at this point, are corralled into a hard, cold dentist's chair. They then proceed to act like a date rapist at a frat party by trying to make small talk with you while they inject you with the same stuff that killed this guy. If they're nice then the last thing you'll remember is them telling you to count back from 100, if they're like most though, all you'll remember is a creepy laugh. Here's the part you won't remember because of the whole date rape death drugs in you. The doctor proceeds to slice open the backs of your gums, digs down through your gums and then extracts (violently and mercilessly rips) your wisdom tooth from your jaw. If you're lucky he'll only do his twice, but he'll probably just get all hot and bothered after the first two and go for all four.

He will then sew the massive holes in your mouth shut with with thin threads that, in all honesty will probably just come out before you're home, causing the dreaded "dry socket" aka a toxic pool of profuse stink in your mouth. You are finally home and are allowed to suffer in peace for the next five days while you can't eat and certainly won't be able to sleep. Oh and the other good news is you get to look like this. Or this. Either way, it is just the last of the many features that causes wisdom teeth extractions to be truly A-mis.

Post-Test Question Solves

Michael Nunnally (or his pen name, Nooner) has wished to make a guest appearance to bestow some Amis knowledge to the world. Here you go:

Post-Test Question Solves are a big part of our lives as students. They are also extreme Amis. If you haven't grasped the concept of what Post-Test Question Solves are, let me give you an example: You're in the middle of a summer school Thermodynamics test(the worst kind of Amis) and you pulled an all-nighter (Amis to D-roy). You've gotten the test and it only has three problems on it (33 points per problem, Amis). One of the problems eludes you're brain, so you skip it and go on. Well, you do the other two problems and you go back to the first question. You just sit and stare at it for a little bit, and you realize you have no idea what to do. This is the first step of this evil process. You know you have some time left, so you don't get too stressed out. This is the time where you try to logically figure out the problem, perhaps by jotting down a few equations you know, maybe trying to work backwards, or perhaps giving a little peeksies to your neighbor. Whatever your style, with questions like these, it won't work. So you start to panic. Logic has somehow failed you and you are as lost as a fat guy without his fried chicken. And then the first true sign of your imminent demise: someone, who is not the smartest kid in class, finishes the test and leaves. Soon following is the certified idiot of the class (you know, the guy/girl who asks THOSE questions in class) who is looking rather smug. When you see him turn that test in, you can't think about the test anymore because you're in disbelief that he had at least some idea of how to answer that one question that is probably going to keep you out of Med School and, instead, force you into teaching chemistry in inner-city Memphis. Suddenly, you're awaken from your nightmare of pimped-out Impalas and dipole-dipole interactions by a booming voice that, with three little words, will destroy all remaining hope: "Five minutes left!" At this point, you freak out, your heart is pounding, and you just start writing. You start making up equations that you think look real, but let's be honest, the weight of a bowling ball will never equal a number that ends in "quintillion." After your last minute scramble for partial credit, you have to make that dreaded walk to hand in your paper that might as well look like this. At this point, you are probably the only one left in the room, so the professor just stares you down as you make the Walk of Shame, his eyes piercing your soul. And while you try to look at anything but him, you could swear you heard something that sounded like a maniacal laugh coming from the front. So you finally get to the front of the room and, after one final sigh, you turn it in, feeling your future slipping through your fingers. With most people, as soon as your paper touches the teacher's hand, you have this epiphany, and you suddenly remember how to do the problem. Congratulations, you have just completed the Post-Test Question Solve. You can't believe how easy the question was and how much of an idiot you were being. People commonly fall into pits of despair and self-loathing after a dreaded PTQS, which makes them Double-Amis. The scariest thing about the PTQS is that you have no idea when they're coming. They just sneak around, lurking in the shadows, until you forget about them, which is when they strike. Triple-Amis.

Mosquito Bites

Possibly one of the most agonizing ailments administered in the animal kingdom, the mosquito bite is assuredly Amis. It itches, so you want to scratch it, but if you scratch it, it only itches more. It's a totally unfair cycle of itching and scratching. Amis.