Salutation Misunderstandings

Salutation Misunderstandings are Amis for everyone involved. Here is a classic example. You're walking in a particular direction, and someone walking towards you is assuredly waving at you. Yes, they've got to be looking right at you. After jogging your brain, you realize this person is a stranger but, being nice, you decide to save that person from awkwardness and wave back. It's normally during mid-wave that you hear a voice behind you say something like, "Oh, hey!" You try to hide your wave, but it's too late. The stranger is now making awkward eye contact with you because you suddenly popped into existence after previously being unseen...all because you waved back. Now you're uncomfortable, they're uncomforable, and the third party is probably laughing at you. Amis.

Mulch Bombs

This one is way overdue. And you have to have been to Alpine to get this one...so it doesn't really apply to anyone. But because it is Amis, it must be on the blog. So, mulch bombs....every year at Alpine kids get to throw water balloons at the staff off the zipline. Staff sit(on the mulched ground in chairs) under the zipline while the kid comes flying down with a water balloon in hand like he just won seven hundred million dollars. It sounds pretty awesome, and it is for the most part, until you are annihilated by a mulch bomb. The worst part is when kids(usually the ones that have no gauge on when to drop it) accidentally drop the water balloon to early and it hits the ground in front of you. This is actually the worst case scenario for the staff. The water balloon sends wet mulch flying anywhere and everywhere, most likely all over your hairy legs. Oh, and the kid is mad he didn't get a direct hit on you. So, in the end, the kid is mad for missing, and you're mad for getting mulch bombed. Case in point. AMIS.

Double Door Fails

Sometimes when entering a building, it is necessary to push a double door. While this seems like a rather unassuming task (as it should be), there is most likely a 50% chance one of the doors will be locked - causing meyham.

This wants to make you look stupid.

As you approach the double door, you have the inner battle of which side to choose. The pressure builds as you get closer because you know choosing the wrong door will result in sending all of your momentum crashing into what is essentially a wall. This is especially Amis if the door happens to be glass, and people on the other side witness your failure. Don't be too troubled though, as statistics say that at least half of them did exactly what you did. Is it honestly too much trouble to unlock both doors? Amis.

Wisdom Teeth Extractions

Wisdom teeth extractions is a typical A-mis: something that is supposed to benefit you, but in all reality, is the worst possible scenario. Let's take a look at exactly what the intentions are versus what the actual results are.

The intentions: The intention and primary reasoning behind wisdom teeth extractions is to reduce the pressure on your already brace-altered teeth caused by "impacted wisdom teeth" thus creating the perfect smile. You would think from the way dentists talk about these teeth, that they were evil incarnate. So, the doctor puts you to sleep and gently extracts these teeth.

The reality: The reality of wisdom teeth extractions is quite different than the doctors lead you to believe. The reason these teeth are extracted is only to cause you pain, literally, that's why the doctors do this. The actual procedure goes something like this. First you are told not to eat before the surgery..that's right they don't let you eat. A few hours later you, emaciated at this point, are corralled into a hard, cold dentist's chair. They then proceed to act like a date rapist at a frat party by trying to make small talk with you while they inject you with the same stuff that killed this guy. If they're nice then the last thing you'll remember is them telling you to count back from 100, if they're like most though, all you'll remember is a creepy laugh. Here's the part you won't remember because of the whole date rape death drugs in you. The doctor proceeds to slice open the backs of your gums, digs down through your gums and then extracts (violently and mercilessly rips) your wisdom tooth from your jaw. If you're lucky he'll only do his twice, but he'll probably just get all hot and bothered after the first two and go for all four.

He will then sew the massive holes in your mouth shut with with thin threads that, in all honesty will probably just come out before you're home, causing the dreaded "dry socket" aka a toxic pool of profuse stink in your mouth. You are finally home and are allowed to suffer in peace for the next five days while you can't eat and certainly won't be able to sleep. Oh and the other good news is you get to look like this. Or this. Either way, it is just the last of the many features that causes wisdom teeth extractions to be truly A-mis.

Post-Test Question Solves

Michael Nunnally (or his pen name, Nooner) has wished to make a guest appearance to bestow some Amis knowledge to the world. Here you go:

Post-Test Question Solves are a big part of our lives as students. They are also extreme Amis. If you haven't grasped the concept of what Post-Test Question Solves are, let me give you an example: You're in the middle of a summer school Thermodynamics test(the worst kind of Amis) and you pulled an all-nighter (Amis to D-roy). You've gotten the test and it only has three problems on it (33 points per problem, Amis). One of the problems eludes you're brain, so you skip it and go on. Well, you do the other two problems and you go back to the first question. You just sit and stare at it for a little bit, and you realize you have no idea what to do. This is the first step of this evil process. You know you have some time left, so you don't get too stressed out. This is the time where you try to logically figure out the problem, perhaps by jotting down a few equations you know, maybe trying to work backwards, or perhaps giving a little peeksies to your neighbor. Whatever your style, with questions like these, it won't work. So you start to panic. Logic has somehow failed you and you are as lost as a fat guy without his fried chicken. And then the first true sign of your imminent demise: someone, who is not the smartest kid in class, finishes the test and leaves. Soon following is the certified idiot of the class (you know, the guy/girl who asks THOSE questions in class) who is looking rather smug. When you see him turn that test in, you can't think about the test anymore because you're in disbelief that he had at least some idea of how to answer that one question that is probably going to keep you out of Med School and, instead, force you into teaching chemistry in inner-city Memphis. Suddenly, you're awaken from your nightmare of pimped-out Impalas and dipole-dipole interactions by a booming voice that, with three little words, will destroy all remaining hope: "Five minutes left!" At this point, you freak out, your heart is pounding, and you just start writing. You start making up equations that you think look real, but let's be honest, the weight of a bowling ball will never equal a number that ends in "quintillion." After your last minute scramble for partial credit, you have to make that dreaded walk to hand in your paper that might as well look like this. At this point, you are probably the only one left in the room, so the professor just stares you down as you make the Walk of Shame, his eyes piercing your soul. And while you try to look at anything but him, you could swear you heard something that sounded like a maniacal laugh coming from the front. So you finally get to the front of the room and, after one final sigh, you turn it in, feeling your future slipping through your fingers. With most people, as soon as your paper touches the teacher's hand, you have this epiphany, and you suddenly remember how to do the problem. Congratulations, you have just completed the Post-Test Question Solve. You can't believe how easy the question was and how much of an idiot you were being. People commonly fall into pits of despair and self-loathing after a dreaded PTQS, which makes them Double-Amis. The scariest thing about the PTQS is that you have no idea when they're coming. They just sneak around, lurking in the shadows, until you forget about them, which is when they strike. Triple-Amis.

Mosquito Bites

Possibly one of the most agonizing ailments administered in the animal kingdom, the mosquito bite is assuredly Amis. It itches, so you want to scratch it, but if you scratch it, it only itches more. It's a totally unfair cycle of itching and scratching. Amis.

Hair-Clogged Shower Drains

If any of you have ever shared a bathroom with a female, or are a female, you will know that a woman's restroom may be one of the nastiest things on the planet. This is mainly due to the fact that most women shed like a Newfoundland in the summer time. This can result in hair being in multiple places that it should not, for example, the wad of hair on the shower wall that looks like she got shot in the head, forcing her hair to clump in that specific spot. The worst, though, is the clogged shower drain. The worst is you have to choose between letting it stay in there and swirl aroung when the water hits it, or pulling it up with toilet paper. Amis.

Final Exams.

No elaboration required.

One-sitting Research Papers

Amis. Clearly you know what I mean. After slapping down two pages about vegetarianism (amis) to turn in for my rough draft (also, very much amis) last Tuesday, it's time to re-evaluate. I met with my English teacher today and I've decided to completely re-do/re-organize/re-plan my research paper which is due this upcoming Tuesday. I'm currently in the middle of reforming and outlining-- taking the amis pre-cautionary steps needed to form a solid paper-- my new research paper (unfortunately, it's on the same topic). On a more positive note, I already have two of my 3 required sources for my annotated bibliography (amis), thanks to EasyBib.com. As you may have already guessed after seeing the title name, I'm attempting to write this whole research paper in one sitting/day or whatever you want to call it. Basically, before midnight tonight. As a result of me re-reading my soon-to-be post, I've noticed that I have committed an Amis blunder- I have included way too many amis things while trying to describe the main AMIS blog topic. See vegetarianism, rough draft, and annotated bibliography. Although those things are in fact amis, they all could very well be candidates for future blog heading topics. Amis.

Low Fuel Lights

Every now and then (about once a month for you Civic owners and twice a day for you jacked up F-250 owners) when you are driving around you look at your fuel gauge and see that it is pretty low. "It's fine," you think to yourself, "I probably have about two or three days left." Most of the time it's directly after this thought that you hear a "ding", and the low fuel light is on. All of your driving/money plans are now focused on that tank of gas and driving as far as you can on the fumes that you will eventually have. Your life basically turns into this, except not as funny. Amis.

Parking Lot Clogs

This A-Mis event could quite possibly lead directly to heart disease and other stress onset disease. You've just enjoyed a wonderful day at say, The Masters or maybe an Auburn football game. As you cheerfully leave the event and begin walking to your car, you have no idea of the anguish that awaits you. You enter your car, crank it, drive four feet and find yourself in a quarter mile line of stopped cars. This wouldn't be a problem, except for the fact that you will manage to move only four more feet in the next HOUR because of the non-assertive drive who happens to ben in your line. A-Mis.

Advice when you find yourself in this situation: Never EVER switch to the lane moving faster, because right when you do, it will stop and yours will move. That's just how it works..A_Mis x2.

Extended Lab Experiments

The title doesn't do the topic justice. It's way more than uncounted lab hours but let me not waste time discussing the title. So...Biology labs. Amis. We meet from 9:00-11:50 on Wednesday mornings. It's a one hour class. Amis. We just started a lab that lasts over a 3 week time period. There are four people to a group and each day, someone from your group must go into the lab and do the procedural tasks. EVERY DAY. Do the math and I'm going into the lab once every 4 days for the next three weeks. Meanwhile, I have 4 other classes with more important tests I need to study for. And I forgot to say weekends are included in this cute little experiment. If you check your calender, Easter should be coming up in the next 2 weeks. Do we get off for that? Nope. Someone from your group must go into the lab on EASTER SUNDAY to treat Daphnia Magna, a freshwater crustacean. AMIS. So while you all are enjoying a nice church service on Sunday Morning, April 3rd, me or someone from my group will be in a Biology Lab in Tuscaloosa counting Arthropods. Thanks Biology Department. I hate you. Amis.

In Room "Significant Other" Texting

This is a classic. An unwritten rule for couples for sure. When you happen to be in the same room and in eyesight of each other (whether together or not) it's just plain A-mis to text. I mean get it would make sense if maybe you never saw each other, i.e. long-lost friends, but let's be honest, you'll see each other in ten minutes. Definite A-mis.

Amis Blanks

An "amis blank" refers to a extended period of time when you are unable to think of anything that is Amis. When suffering through this blank, you usually try to force or think of something that isn't really amis or funny. Kind of like a relationship that just really isn't there. It doesn't work. As a result, your amis confidence decreases as well as your self-esteem. On another note, I want to apologize for this amis blank which im sure has caused most of you to question my amis status. I'm deeply sorry. Amis.

Phantom Vibrates

This is a situation known to every cell phone owner who keeps his or her phone on vibrate. You feel your phone vibrate in your pocket, get excited that somebody wants to talk to you, pull your phone out, and see that nothing has happened at all. Besides being the only thing that would let people know how amputees feel about the whole "phantom itch" thing, this phenomenon can be very frustrating. The worst scenario is when you feel your phone vibrate, and it isn't even in the same room as you...and you already knew that it wasn't. Amis.